What do I do now?

It's been a while since I posted, but that's mainly been a time thing I'm afraid. It got to a point where I was doing my contracted 35 hours/week at work, plus 10 hours overtime, plus 16 hours unpaid, and it was just all getting a bit silly. I also spent a lot of time worrying and stressing about what I should do when my tenancy ended on the house at the end of June.

My housemates were all moving back home with their parents to save money, and I didn't know whether it would be best for me to do the same, or to try and find somewhere on my own. I stressed about this for months, until I forced myself to make a snap decision, and now I'm back home living with my Mum. This is fine, apart from the fact that my Mum lives in the middle of nowhere, so it's very difficult or very expensive to go anywhere - apart from that it's all good, and I'm grateful to my parents for letting me move back. (There's something good about there always being food in the cupboards and money for heating bills!)

The upshot of that however, is the fact that I had to quit my job, and I am unemployed once more. You might all think I'm mad in this day and age, to lose a perfectly good job when the chances are I'm going to struggle to find another one. To be honest, the job was dire - not only in the way that it was a crappy retail job, when that's not what I want to do in the long-term, as I can deal with that to some extent - but to the point where I was so tired, and so stressed it was becoming detrimental to my health. I'm not a crier, but I burst into tears at work several times in the last few weeks, and made silly mistakes that were gradually getting more serious in nature because I was stressed, and quitting is probably one of the best decisions I have made.

My idea now, is to volunteer to get the skills that most of the travel or charity jobs seem to think I'm lacking, and to build up a network of contacts. I'll hopefully get a part-time retail job to keep me going at the same time, and that should be that. Except of course, that it's never as easy as that. Even retail is struggling at the moment; there are no jobs in places that I've asked round where I live, and I'm being rejected from pretty much everything else.


I have made a spreadsheet of jobs that I'm applying for, and have applied conditional formatting depending on the result of the application; at the minute, it's all red. Red for rejection. I've had some good feedback from some places, suggesting that I'm only a couple of points away from getting an interview, and it's not my skills or experience that are stopping me, but rather the fact that I'm not quite focused in the specific area that they're wanting, but in a way that's worse.

That's not something I can change. I'm not sure what else I can do; I have five different CVs depending on what I'm applying for (some with my degree on, some not); I have written millions of cover letters; I have spent hours on the internet and walking around the local area looking for jobs, and I'm still struggling. Fortunately I've been unemployed for less than a week so far, and hopefully I'll find something soon. I just hope I don't get to the point where I regret leaving my last job.

I also plan to broaden my horizons a bit, and get loads of experience doing as much as possible. I'm determined to be really proactive; keep writing on here, and up my social media presence a bit more (I've had some amazing things happen through Twitter!) I'm going to be blogging much more now, and hopefully I'll have a bit more to blog about if I can make life more exciting!

Other than that, I'm still dreaming of travelling the world. If anyone can recommend any good travelling books to add to my repertoire, they will be very gratefully received (I seem to have a lot of time on my hands at the moment). I'm getting fit again, running 7km several times a week, and I have bitten the bullet and have  dyed the ends of my hair pink! I will be spending a lot of time walking my dog, so expect lots of pictures of hills, and in the meantime wish me luck!!

When I grow up I want to be....

It's the question you get asked most as a child, whether it's at school, by parents or well-meaning family and friends. As a small child, your answer is most likely a footballer, a pilot or maybe a fire engine; or a vet, a nurse or a teacher.

For years I wanted to be a showjumper, inspired by my five years of riding lessons. Despite the fact that I only had lessons for an hour a week (which deteriorated to once every two weeks as prices rose), I was certain that I'd be the next superstar and spent hours dreaming about it. This then graduated to a desire - than a serious ambition - to be a doctor, inspired by a long and crazy obsession with the long-running BBC drama 'Casualty.' This ended when choosing my A Level options, upon realising that I was dreadful at science and maths, and I just didn't really enjoy it.

I then had no idea what I wanted to do until I was half-way through University, when, motivated by my successful climb of Kilimanjaro and three years doing charity fundraising, I decided I wanted to work organising charity challenges, or at least in fundraising. This was my first serious career that I actually worked towards and tried genuinely to get experience in. I organised street collections, volunteered for various charities and managed to get a placement with DfID. Despite this however, alongside a three month (unpaid) internship with the NSPCC, I still can't get the job I want. I'm stuck doing a job that I was doing when I was fifteen, and left dreaming of what could have been.

After my internship, I went to several interviews for jobs that I'd love, and was told each time that I did really well and in any other circumstances they'd love to hire me. Unfortunately, people were now being forced to apply below their stations and I was competing against people with years of experience in the sector. I just didn't cut the mustard. I was told to volunteer for a while to gain even more experience and contacts (it really is who you know), but most internships and volunteering are full-time, or more time than I can give. I don't know who they think is going to pay my rent while I work for free, but it certainly won't be me. 

I know I'm not the only one; my peers are either struggling to find employment, being made redundant or are in rubbish retail jobs like me. So what happened to our dreams? Whether it be the crazy, childish ones or the serious ones, why are we unable to follow them anymore? I have friends that dream of being policemen, art therapists, designers, pilots, midwifes, vets, chefs, biologists and more and yet none of them are able to achieve their goals. Although they have relevant experience and qualifications, everyone I know is stuck working in retail, in minimum-wage roles, unemployed or due to be made redundant. I know a girl who was made redundant three weeks into a new job, and a boy who was made redundant after over a year. Films from Disney upwards make you believe you can be whatever you want to be as long as you work hard enough and are a nice person, and this just blatantly isn't true anymore.

So with a generation unable to follow our dreams, how are we to stay motivated? With thousands of young people stuck in jobs they hate, or find unfulfilling, how are they to succeed? Retail tends to be monotonous, doing the same thing day in, day out. What happens when people just stop caring about their work; will customer service standards drop? Will this cause even more high-street businesses to go into administration? Or will more people take the option to be unemployed rather than work in an environment they don't like?

How do we combat the social aspects of this? It's not just career-oriented dreams that people are giving up; earning minimum wage, people are struggling to live from paycheck to paycheck. Your twenties is supposed to be full of fun, getting drunk, travelling the world and making silly mistakes. My housemates and I can't even afford to go out for tea together, let alone go on holiday or go out on a regular basis. Stuck in the house when you're not at work, eating noodles or couscous for the third night a row, knowing that all you've got to look forward to is another day at work doing the same thing that you did the day before, it's hard not to fall into a kind of depression that's hard to snap out of. It's difficult to see how things will improve in the future, or how to get yourself out of the situation. It's not that you're unhappy - you love your house and your housemates, it's just that you don't feel like you have a life anymore, or at least not a life that you'd choose.

With the UK rating having just been downgraded to AA for the first time in history, our economy is getting worse and worse, and I'm worried about what's going to happen next. Although we're not quite in the same situation as Spain, with 60% of young people unemployed, we have an entire generation that's unskilled and unprepared for the future. We're going to be getting to all the hurdles in life much later than everyone else - I have no idea when I'm going to be able to get on the property ladder (can't even envisage renting on my own let alone affording a mortgage in the near future), and god knows when people are going to able to afford to get married or start a family. We're not going to be able to afford to start a pension, and so are going to be working much later than previous generations. We are the first generation of the economic crisis, and are living under a government woefully unprepared and with no knowledge of how to help us.

Despite this, I hold out hope that the economy will improve, and that one day we'll all be able to get the career that we want. In the meantime, I'll keep slogging away, and spend my evenings dreaming of travelling the world. Companies, when you're hiring, spare a thought for us lot and maybe throw someone a lifeline. You won't regret it.

Just keep running...

Hi everyone.

Sorry about the delay in posting, but I’ve been feeling a bit de-motivated recently.  I finished my internship at the NSPCC at the beginning of May, and have had quite a few interviews in the past few months, all of which I've had rejections from. This isn't because I'm not capable of doing the job, but because I don’t quite have enough relevant experience, or more to the point, they've had other people apply who have more relevant experience.

Unfortunately, in today’s climate, you don’t get paid to learn on the job any more; everyone I've applied to and been rejected from have said I've performed very well in the interviews, but I need to volunteer a bit more in order to gain the relevant experience. Now, like most people, I simply cannot afford to volunteer anymore. I've done nothing but for the year since I've graduated, and did a huge amount of voluntary work when I was at University, and it’s still not enough. I'm now completely skint, sick to the back teeth of not actually being able to do anything with my life (including seeing my friends), and just want to earn some money.

I know that I’ll probably have no problem getting a job in retail, but until now I’ve been loath to apply. Not because I’m getting ideas above my station, or because I think I’m too good for a job in retail – I’m not, and I do enjoy the work to some extent – but because I’ve worked so hard for the past four years and I can’t bear to think that it’s all been a waste of time. If I take a job in retail, I’ll be back to where I was when I was 17 – probably earning less money into the bargain – and if I’m going to do that then I may as well have skipped going to University altogether.

 I know that’s not true; I met some fantastic people at University and had some amazing experiences and I’m glad I went, but it just doesn’t seem to have done me much good career-wise. My degree was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and to feel that in some way it might be pointless hurts.

It feels a bit like I’m stuck in limbo – I’m overqualified for some things (I know of people who’ve had to take their degree off their CV in order to get a job in retail) and people in that environment are less likely to employ me because they know it’s just a stop-gap measure for me, and they’ll pick someone who’s looking at doing it long-term.

On the other hand, I'm not qualified enough to do the career that I actually want. So where the hell does that leave me? The problem is not the lack of jobs, but the fact that there are now far more people competing for the same job, and they happen to have more experience, or other redeemable qualities. Employers are now able to totally cherry-pick their employees because they have such a huge amount of people applying.

There are currently two sides of my brain warring with each other; there’s one which opposes everything I'm being told by well-meaning family members; that any job is good because at least I'm earning some money and I’ll be able to have a life again. That part of me really rankles at the fact that I have to have a job for the sake of a job, rather than a career I’ll enjoy which is what I've always worked towards.

I've seen far too many people miserable because they hate their jobs, yet stuck in a rut and unable to afford to quit and do something they really enjoy, and I've always sworn I’d rather be happy and poor than miserable in a job I hate. The other half though, is the common sense half of me. The half that says that I'm about to sign a contract on a house in Leeds starting in September and I need to start earning money asap. The half that wants to start having a social life again, to be able to afford new clothes and books and trips out; to do the things I actually enjoy in life. Unfortunately, this half is likely to win out, and I imagine you’ll find me in the next few weeks working unspeakable hours in a cafe somewhere for minimum wage. 

I know on some level that it’s a good thing; it’ll get me out of the house and earning money, but part of me really rebels at this. I've worked in retail since I was 15 – I missed so many parties with my friends during school and Sixth Form because I worked every weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The same happened at University – partly my own fault because I wanted do things like go to Africa and climb Kilimanjaro – but I ended up working full-time for most of my second and third years, and missed out on a lot socially, but it also compromised my University work and thus my degree.

I almost feel as if I've put in the hours for so long, that surely it’s my turn now to be able to work 9-5 for a decent salary? I know this sounds pathetic – that there are many people out there worse than me, and I would much rather be working than stuck in the house, claiming off the government. I despise being on Job Seekers’ Allowance, and cannot wait for the day when I never have to step in the job centre again, and so will do all the necessary evils to avoid that. 

Anyway, enough whinging – I’ve decided that no matter what happens I need to start earning some money, because I need to go on another adventure. I’ve already promised my friend Mel that I’ll go to Florida with her as soon as I can afford to (we want to visit Harry Potter World before we really are too old – yes I know we’re sad), but what I really want to do is travel/go on adventures as a career.

 I want to organise Challenge Events for charities as my main career goal, and if I can’t get experience in the charity sector then I'm going to go the other route and get experience in the adventure travel sector. I've already done Kilimanjaro, and plan to do Everest Base Camp and the Inca Trail as soon as I can afford them. I want to spend some time in France and get my French really up to standard, but before I do any of that, I really want to get fit again.

I've therefore signed up to do the Race for Life on 22^nd July in Halifax. I've never, ever been a runner – I can walk for miles without complaint, but can barely run for the bus, and turn into a sweaty, tomato faced mess when I do. I decided I needed a focus in life however, something that I could actually take control of, and so I've signed up to do the 5k race, and I'm going to run all of it.

Now when I say I've never been a runner, I mean it. Even when I was younger, fit and slim, I could never run long distances – I’m just not built for running. So therefore I’ve never run 5k before ever. I know it doesn’t sound a lot compared to marathons (and indeed it isn’t), but to me it’s huge and terrifying. (5k is 3 miles for those, like me, who don’t normally work in kilometres).

To help me in my goal, I’m working to the Couch to 5k plan. For those who haven’t heard of it, visit their website http://www.c25k.com/ because it’s amazing. It does exactly what it says on the tin – starts you off from doing absolutely no running at all, to running 5k in just 9 weeks! I'm currently due to start week 3 of the programme and have been pleasantly surprised so far. For a clue as to what it entails, the plan for Week 2 is:

·         Walk 5mins (Warm-Up)

·         Jog 90 secs

·         Walk 90 secs

·         Jog 90 secs

·         Walk 2 mins

(Repeat 3 times then walk 5 mins to cool down) The workout takes just over half an hour.

The plan is to do this every other day three times, then move onto Week Three. I started Week Two on Tuesday, and initially found it really hard. I live in quite a hilly area, and even on the flattest strip of road I could find, I still have to go uphill for the first half of the workout. On my first try of this, I found it truly awful. When I got half way, I had to cut 30 seconds off the run, and sit down for a minute as I had a stitch. I made up for it by running an extra three minutes on my way home, but still felt a bit of a failure.

On Thursday, I did Day 2 of the week, and found it easier already. I didn't have to stop at all and obviously increased my pace as I went further than I did on the first try (overall it covers just over 2 miles, though this will obviously increase as the running time does). I found it much easier, and although I was glad to break into a walk a few times, I didn't cut any of the jogging short; I did extra on the way back again, as it’s much easier on the flat/slight decline, and I want to build up as much as possible.

Yesterday (Saturday), I did Day 3 of the week, and found it almost as hard as the first time. I think this is because I was running quite a bit faster, as I went further again, but I must remember to pace myself otherwise I’ll burn myself out and find an excuse to give up. I have to take water with me, not because I get dehydrated but because I get loads of phlegm in my throat (disgusting I know, sorry), and I think this was a major mistake that I made on Tuesday in not bringing one, and feel it has helped loads. I have the App on my phone, and it plays music from my iTunes, interrupting when necessary to tell me when to run or walk, and it works really, really well. I love it.

Tomorrow I move onto Week 3, which I'm a bit nervous about but also kind of looking forward to. It’s quite a leap (in my mind anyway), as it involves:

·         Walk 5 minutes (warm-up)

·         Jog 2 minutes

·         Walk 2 minutes

·         Jog 3 minutes

·         Walk 2 minutes

·         Repeat

·         Walk 5 minutes (cool-down)

I know this doesn't seem like much to you seasoned joggers out there, and if it was on a treadmill it wouldn't be, as I've run further than that on there before, but I've always found running outside much harder anyway as you have to regulate your own pace, and the first bit is majorly uphill. I have to do this three days again this week (with rest days in between), so will be moving onto Week 4 (hopefully) next Sunday.

As I’m doing this for the Cancer Research Race for Life, I'm raising money as I'm going. I have a JustGiving Page here: http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/sophiefelton and really appreciate it, and would find it much easier to keep going if people were to sponsor me. I can feel this is going to get much harder before I’m running the whole 5k and any motivation to keep going would be amazing, even if it’s just encouraging comments. I’m going to start doing a small blog (or maybe just a longer weekly one) after each run, so I can document how hard I actually found it, with the hope that putting it out on the internet will force me to carry on, even if I’m finding it really hard. Also, if anyone has any advice it will be much appreciated.

I’m hoping that, as well as building up my fitness and raising some much needed funds for Cancer Research (who have a website here http://raceforlife.cancerresearchuk.org/index.html), it will all add to my love of doing charity events for charities, and who knows what it might lead to in the future?

For the moment though, it provides a much needed distraction from my career and money issues, and as I keep telling myself on my runs, in the words of Dorie from ‘Finding Nemo’: “Just keep running, just keep running, just keep running, running, running...”